All that is lost
by Seelenspiel
Summary: Sequel to Drowning. Some insight to Legolas' and Aragorn's thoughts in case Legolas actually chose to live after Drowning slash


I have actually decided to finally write a sequel for Drowning. I was inspired by the japanese drama Yasha which has actually not too much to do with my idea lol But it put me in the right melancholy mood to continue )  
Watch it if you get the chance, it's a very good drama with amazing actors.

Anyway: The characters aren't mine, I'm just playing with their minds a bit.  
Warning: Hmm none lol. A bit on the angsty side maybe.

Note: This story is written both from Legolas' and Aragorn's perspective. I'm sure you'll figure out who is talking ;)

Enjoy

All that is lost

_This is a strange world, colourblind and changed. The rhythm seems slowed down when I try to hear the nature's songs. The soothing sound is lost to me.  
Sometimes I'd leave the warm shelter of his embrace at night to see if the stars have pity on their child. I would look up with longing in my eyes, praying for wishes to come true and hopes to be fullfilled.  
I never saw a shooting star._

"Legolas? Are you awake?"

Blue eyes, speaking of a secret promise. What he sees I do not know. He has been sitting here motionlessly for hours. Sometimes I'd take his hand in mine to feel his pulse.

And then – finally – he blinks and turns his head to look at me.

"Estel," he says. And this word alone is enough to lighten my spirits. At last he has fought the shadows. At last his mind is back with me.

He seems to understand my fears for he smiles one of his beautiful smiles. One of the kind that usually makes my heart pound faster and eases my concerns.

It is different this time though.

It makes me realize that he is still here at my side.

It makes me wonder how long he is able to stay.

_I can feel his presence behind me. I need not turn around to know that he is watching me with his silver eyes. With a smile I turn around to face him. I always smile at him, even when I see the fear in his eyes, even though it kills me.  
It's not easy for me to smile anymore but if it calms his troubled thoughts I will continue to do so._

_He comes closer and takes my hand in his. His fevered touch is hot against my cold skin._

_"Legolas," he murmures hesistantly. His face is serious I notice. Usually he would return my smiles with the anxious uplifting of his lips.  
"I fear for you. I fear for us."_

_I look back up at the stars again. I do not know how to answer his unspoken question.  
"Are the stars not lovely tonight?"_

_He sighs and the grip on my hand tightens. "They are," he agrees, "they are. Though at times it saddens me to see them fade in the mornings."_

_"Yet they are immortal. Their light may diminish during daylight but at night they will continue to glow."_

_"I wish your glow would also arise at night. You seem caught in the sun's prison. There is no night for you to shine anymore."_

_I lay my head on his shoulder. "I need no night when I am with you. You shine for the both of us. Your closeness puts me at ease."_

_He shakes his head slowly, his hair tickles my skin. "Are you happy, Legolas?"_

_I take a deep breath before answering truthfully: "I am content, Estel. That is the closest to happiness there is for me."_

_There is a long silence.  
Finally he lets go of my hand and I lift my head when he takes a step back.  
"I feel like I failed you," he whispers at last. I can hear the tears in his hoarse voice._

I often stay awake to watch over his sleep. Sometimes I look at him and fear he has gone blind. But then he tosses and turns, his skin sweaty and his eyes haunted. When he wakes up trembling I take him into my arms and wonder just how much it has cost him to still be at my side.

_The light in our room is dimmed and paints the world grey. Aragorn is already in bed, his back turned to me. He doesn't say anything but I know he is not sleeping.  
Maybe everything has been said already.  
Maybe there are no more words left between us anymore._

_It pains me to see him hurt so much. And to know that I am the cause of this pain.  
He is aware that the only reason I fought death was him. And though he doesn't know just how much of myself I had to sacrifice to come back, he does notice the changes within me. I paid a great price.  
As more time passes, however, I realize that coming back may have been an egoistical choice._

_Quietly I close the distance between us and lay down behind him. He doesn't tense, he knows me as well as I know him.  
I pull the blanket over the two of us and embrace him lightly.  
"Please do not blame yourself, Estel," I say against his ear, "It was my choice to come back. Not once did I regret it"  
Though I do regret the burden I laid upon you. I gave too little thought to so many things before making my decision._

_He turns in my embrace and pulls me closer, offering his warmth and comfort. Sometimes it scares him when I start trembling at night. That the cold affects me so much when it shouldn't._

"Estel," he says, "Estel, I was about to leave Imladris this morn." I stare at him, not comprehending.

"I will leave tomorrow," he continues, "it is better for the both of us."

I'm not sure how to respond properly so I simply ask the question that is killing me inside: "Why? Why leave?"

He leans his head against my shoulder and sighs. "I am a burden to you. I wish I could leave. I tried to leave. I fear I will not be able to leave tomorrow as well."

His confession comes as a shock though admittedly not as big of a shock as words like those should be. I knew how he felt long ago.

So I just hold him closer while he clings to me desperately.

_I often dream of him. His blue eyes still sharp, his hair still golden, his skin still glowing.  
He tilts his head, looking at me expectantly. Usually I would turn away then, listening to the murmured whispers of Estel who I know is watching over my sleep. Today however there is something different, yet I cannot seem to place my finger on it.  
He looks changed. Glowing so brightly. He is the star in the night. He is the immortality that I lost. He is the heart that was broken. And...  
I wish I could fix it. More and more I wish I could repair the damage done. I wish we could unite. Make the impossible possible again. I take one step towards him and he holds out his hand. His movement still as elegant as ever._

_"Legolas." Estel is calling me. Trying to free me of my nightmare. I feel the pressure of his hands on my shoulder.  
My heart lowers his hand to the ground, still watching intently as I finally turn away from him._

_'Give up, meleth, give up. Come to me and be freed from the lie that you are.'_

_Even with my back turned to him a can feel the smile forming on his face.  
He knows I'm standing on the edge of a sword and awaits the moment I'll finally lose my balance. His loss is chocking me. I wonder when I will fall. And I wonder who will pick up the pieces._

_When I finally drift back over to the world of my beloved I become aware of Estel's shaking frame._

_"You stopped breathing," he whispers. "I was so scared"  
I smile weakly and wrap my arms around him.  
"I am stronger than that," I assure him. "Worry not, meleth"  
But am I actually? The seeds of doubt have been silently growing into a small plant with bloodred blossoms._

_I embrace him tighly and lean my head against his, sighing.  
It is then that I see the graceful form sitting on the ground, still watching, still staring,  
as real as myself. I quickly close my eyes to block out the feeling of longing and anguish.  
He laughs when I cling to Estel, afraid to let go of the only warmth that is able to fill my senses with life._

This night he talks in his sleep. He often talks in his sleep, he never reveals what is ailing him though. Even in his sleep he is on guard. Even while sleeping he tries to protect me from the painful truth that he must be certainly hiding behind those broken eyes that faced death and came back to life.

Then he blinks and looks at me uncertainly when he feels my gaze on himself.

"I cannot leave you," he whispers with the voice of a forlorn child.

* * *

oneshot? lol 


End file.
